6/2/18

The more that I think about this day, the more I am able to clarify how I feel about it. I was so emotionally drained from the day before, especially from experiencing the sweat lodge, that I think that it would have functioned best as a personal reflection day. I fully accept that the nature of the course is to go with the flow and see what happens next, but I believe that my body and mind were being pushed to the limits. The water from Elephant Butte was so cleansing, and I would have loved to stay in there to cleanse even further. The van ride made the day increasingly difficult.  I don’t think the best way to process everything was through talking in the van. We were all very exhausted and reflection seemed to be most productive through thinking today, versus speaking through the microphone. I think the reflection through self-soothing is well discussed in this part of the “River Notes.” “I have spent much of my time simply walking. Once I concentrated very hard on moving soundlessly down the beach. I anticipated individual grains of sand losing their grip and tumbling into depressions, and I moved at that moment so my footfalls were masked. I imagined myself in between these steps as silent as stone stairs, but poised, like the heron hunting. In this way I eventually became unknown even to myself…”

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