6/1/18

 

This day was exhausting! I felt as though my emotions were jerked around as the heat and visual stimulation overwhelmed my psyche. The white sands were vast and inconceivably blinding in contrast with the blue sky. I felt that the group had lightened up from that experience, being out in a new and refreshing landscape with very few others around us. The rest of the day was challenging, but I do not regret that it happened.  I was in a daze while walking around at the missile sites and the Border Patrol Museum, as it was overwhelming to see these human creations in person. The sweat lodge was probably the most exciting and emotionally cleansing part of the day. I was nervous leading up to it because of my past with having a traumatic heat stroke. Although I knew that I would be doing it, I did not know that I would be doing all five rounds, which felt good and like I had done some really intense drugs. I couldn’t move afterward, in a good way. It was as though I had sweat out so many emotions from the past three weeks that I could hardly stand up. I do feel that some felt guilty if they did not do it, for which I felt bad. I also felt guilty for not helping with dinner, but I was also not able to move or concentrate on anything. The only thing I remember before going to bed in the Quonset hut that night was accidentally spilling relish into someone’s shoe, and of course, languidly cleaning it up. 

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